Hells Bells my sister Kate is almost all the way down the well. As her torso plummets and twists into the stony black crater; I gather up her arms and legs figuring I’d throw them down later.

But now I think it’s time for me to refresh and go get a beer.

Sauntering off to my cooler, housed in the cluttered trunk of my car. Oh, how I like drinking cold beer alone, I simply don’t like sitting elbow to elbow in a bar.

With that first foamy sip I think about Kate’s final journey, her permanent immersion into the earth. I think about my family, their stuffy personalities and overall lack of mirth. Always so serious; always so tight; all they ever do is work day and night. Never a vacation; never a short trip; oh well, until tonight, into that cold water their bodies did dip.

Deep in thought I take a second gulp and cup it on tongue; I should have killed them years ago; I should have done it when I was young. But I didn’t have a job then and I couldn’t afford the tools; satisfaction cannot be gained merely with a simple gun you fool. To truly enjoy, you have to scrape off their flesh and cut through their bones and watch it all dry in the sun.

And how that sun hangs so high in the sky, its searing rays I cannot escape. On this flat field there is only a well, and no tree branches for shade. Truly in this instance beyond my family’s demise, it is this ice cold beer that is adding joy to my prize. Those chilling hops and barley and all that frothy fun; you know, I never realized my sister’s legs were this long.

Her nails on fingers and toes are painted in the exact same shade; I marvel too at these talon designs and how they are made. What is that dear reader? No, I didn’t forget her head. Her ponytail is tied to my belt and in this light, my her hair looks so awfully red.

It used to be brown, then blonde, and then some shades in between. It used to be long, then short, and quite sleek but always meticulously clean. So very, very red is her dangling dead head; no, it’s not the blood or an illusion from the sun; it just looks like she had a crappy dye job done.

I take some time and knock back a couple. I take some more time and knock back four more. The icy cold tingles and washes down my spine. My body shudders and shivers to its core and it feels oh so fine. Ah, refreshed it’s time to finish up here. I feel energized. I now feel fortified by beer.

I have to go home now and I think I’ll make some tater tots. I’ll eat them with pickles; the juice and jar will keep Kate’s head from rot. Of course I will have to shrink it just as I did with Mom and Dad. They’ll all make joyous decorations for my bachelor pad.

It is so nice when the family does things together.

By Joseph J. Patchen
josephjpatchen.weebly.com